Pre Race.

27 June 2011 was when I started training with Coach Cheng Qiang.

3 months later...

24 September 2011 is this Saturday and it is the Biggest Open Water Swim Race for me. It mean so much to me:

1) An assessment to what I have done over the past 3 months
2) A day I test myself to the limit
3) A swim that allows me to see where exactly am I in a field of strong competitors
4) A chance to get my PB.
5) An opportunity to do my Coach and my Team proud.
6) Last but not least, a time to enjoy myself and finally swim without thinking, just let the body do what it was trained to do.

I am writing this because the race almost meant to much to me. I am taking this opportunity to relieve myself from the pressure that the meaning of this race is secretly putting on me. I find it especially heavy a burden to balance the expectation of my own performance versus the imaginary expectations of all the other people in my life.

Coach Cheng Qiang has voluntarily and sincerely coached me for free no matter how much or what I try to repay him with. I kept the thoughts in my heart and in each and every single session of training when I felt that I am so tired that I can't give as much as I want to, I often push to give as much as I could.

Going through the 3 months of intensive training, I've learnt what you want to do may not be what you could, but what you could do, may not necessarily equate to what you initially wanted too. In other words, never discount yourself just because you felt that you come from a minor class of athlete.

I've always been very conscious of myself, in the sense that I am too big to be an endurance athlete, I am too curvy to be a streamline swimmer, I am too bulky to just swim bike run fast. But I realized this year, that in the past couple of years of racing, I have been discounting myself just because I FELT that I am inferior genetically.

It is one thing to preach what is right as a coach, but it is another to truly believe and practice it on yourself. I find it especially hard to let down my pride to prove myself wrong so I can learn it afresh and make things work as it should. This year, I took a big step and asked my inner self to go screw itself and I will decide the what the limit of my body should be. It has proved to be very fruitful thus far.

I have always gave my best and the fact I puked 2 weeks back during our training session on a wednesday has strengthened my mentality on what I could take and how much I could shut off my mind's screaming and let the body do the job in the water. That is an invaluable asset in giving an ALL-OUT RACE EFFORT.

My timing is honestly very slow compared to the rest of the top field swimmers, but I'd like to see exactly how far away am I from them? One sore spot of mine has always been that I started late, I am knowledgeable cos of the extra thirst that came from the delayed development, but I am also lagging so far behind in terms of racing experience and base mileage in every sport.

I believe I earn all the respect for my coaching and racing over the relentless attitudes in years of studying and practices that people see that is still ongoing and will always be. However, I just lack the glorifying achievements in my resume that will support the amount of goodness I assume I have from the hard work I put in to improve myself as a person, as a coach and a trustworthy friend of all. I want so much to climb to the top and it takes time. I am setting myself 3 years to build the base and I want race competitively at the elite level after this 3 years of practice and training.

I want and needs to earn time and to do that, I have to stop discounting myself, let go of my expectations - Real and Imaginary - and NIKE (Just Do It!).

With that, I end my entry, together with my worries on how I will perform versus the field. I will do my best, for that is what matters the most, just like I've been doing every single session of practice..

I will constantly push myself no matter how bad I feel.
I am BULLET PROOF.
I am The Shark in the school of Fishes.
I am The Champion, in Sam's heart, in Coach's interest in me, in KH's motivation, and in my World.

So, KK, How Bad do you want it?
SO . FREAKING . BAD .

I.W.W,
Coach KK